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Stay: A History of Suicide and the Philosophies Against It, by Jennifer Michael Hecht
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Worldwide, more people die by suicide than by murder, and many more are left behind to grieve. Despite distressing statistics that show suicide rates rising, the subject, long a taboo, is infrequently talked about. In this sweeping intellectual and cultural history, poet and historian Jennifer Michael Hecht channels her grief for two friends lost to suicide into a search for history’s most persuasive arguments against the irretrievable act, arguments she hopes to bring back into public consciousness. From the Stoics and the Bible to Dante, Shakespeare, Wittgenstein, and such twentieth-century writers as John Berryman, Hecht recasts the narrative of our “secular age” in new terms. She shows how religious prohibitions against self-killing were replaced by the Enlightenment’s insistence on the rights of the individual, even when those rights had troubling applications. This transition, she movingly argues, resulted in a profound cultural and moral loss: the loss of shared, secular, logical arguments against suicide. By examining how people in other times have found powerful reasons to stay alive when suicide seems a tempting choice, she makes a persuasive intellectual and moral case against suicide.
- Sales Rank: #386136 in Books
- Published on: 2013-11-12
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.25" h x 1.00" w x 5.50" l, .99 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 280 pages
Review
“Eloquent and affecting.”—David Brooks, New York Times (David Brooks New York Times)
“Hecht is an intellectual historian and a poet, and her writing reflects both disciplines: The book is rigorous and deeply rewarding, both accessible and challenging. . . . She finds common threads: sympathy for life’s difficulty, yet a plea to stay, for the sake of one’s community and even for one’s future self.”—Kate Tuttle, Boston Globe (Kate Tuttle Boston Globe)
"While not insensitive to people who use suicide as a way to end the suffering of terminal illness, Hecht brands suicide an immoral act that robs society — and the self-killer — of a life that is certainly more valuable than what it may seem in that dark moment. It solves nothing, complicates everything. . . . Her argument is that it — whatever dark truth that pronoun signifies — almost always gets better."—Newsweek (Newsweek)
"A history not only of suicide, but how we think about suicide. . . . Hecht proposes her own argument against suicide in the secular, modern world, presenting a humanist call for life. . . . Her final plea to the suicidal gives the book its title: she urges them to simply 'stay.' "—Thomas Flynn, The Daily Beast (The Daily Beast)
"Stay is more than a must-read — it’s a cultural necessity."—Maria Popova, Brain Pickings (Maria Popova Brain Pickings)
“The title of this book is an imperative against the departure that is suicide, and its contents provide a learned, illuminating look at the history of what is perhaps the darkest secret in all of human behavior.”—Billy Collins (Billy Collins)
“Jennifer Michael Hecht addresses the problem of suicidal nihilism with intellectual sophistication and poetic subtlety. An impassioned defense of life and rejection of self-slaughter (as Hamlet termed it), Stay is an important book.”—David Lehman, Editor, The Oxford Book of American Poetry (David Lehman)
"The perfect vehicle for an informed conversation about the virtues and vices of suicide, this book will literally save lives."—Stephen Prothero, author of The American Bible: How Our Words Unite, Divide, and Define a Nation (Stephen Prothero)
“In this moving and meaningful book, mythology, poetry, history, and personal reflection all combine to persuade us to stay right here, among the living.”—Alan Wolfe, author of Political Evil (Alan Wolfe)
"This defiantly positive note — this striving for hope — is the most uplifting part of Stay. . . . Current statistics clearly show that few of Hecht's potential readers will have lives completely untouched by suicide; all of those potential readers will find a great deal to interest them in these pages."—Steve Donoghue, Open Letters Monthly (Open Letters Monthly)
"In her impassioned, compelling book Stay: A History of Suicide and the Philosophies Against It, Jennifer Michael Hecht makes the sustained argument she wishes she could have made to two friends who committed suicide. . . . While Hecht's position is secular, religious people have nothing to fear from her, and would likely make common cause with her on many points. Her heartfelt book is the scholarly and literary equivalent of Kate Bush's vocals in a familiar Peter Gabriel song, singing to her despairing partner, 'Don't give up.' "—Jim Higgins, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel (Jim Higgins Milwaukee Journal Sentinel)
“The author of the best-selling Doubt offers a history of suicide and of arguments against it. . . . Even Camus, who found the search for meaning as absurd as pushing the same boulder up a cliff every day, urged his readers to ‘imagine Sisyphus happy,’ and to live.”—New Yorker (New Yorker)
“One cannot but be impressed by Hecht’s breadth of knowledge, mostly expressed with a light touch, and there are many fascinating details.”
—Oliver James, The Independent (Oliver James The Independent 2014-01-11)
“Hecht’s intentions are patently generous and benign. She wants to save young lives that seem needlessly lost. . .On these counts her book merits praise.”—John Carey, The Sunday Times (John Carey The Sunday Times 2014-01-19)
"When I review a book I underline special passages, stick post-it notes and write comments in the margin. By that token this one has inspired me more than anything I’ve read in a very long time. Full of life and spirit and hope, and deeply moving, it communicates a generous love of suffering, flawed humanity. I cannot praise it highly enough."—Bel Mooney, Daily Mail (Bel Mooney Daily Mail 2014-01-24)
“Hecht’s aim is to show that as suicide was secularised, it became too easy – a mere medical and therefore solipsistic condition which took no account of humans as members of a larger (caring) community. She wants to revitalise the idea that suicide is wrong, harms others and ‘damages humanity’. No man or woman, even today, is an island.”—Lisa Appignanesi, The Observer (Lisa Appignanesi The Observer 2014-01-26)
“Suicide as a concept has been praised, defended, and vilified in various contexts throughout history as poet and scholar Hecht (Doubt: A History) painstakingly illustrates in this nuanced and unsettling work, whose title acts as a rallying refrain throughout. . . . The book’s conclusions are hopeful. Gratitude is owed to those who reject suicide, according to Hecht, not only by the community but also by one’s ‘future self’ who may be days, months, or years away. Like death, life can inspire, because one’s ‘ideas matter.’”—Publishers Weekly (Publishers Weekly)
“[Hecht] is a first-rate historian of ideas. . . . This gift of a book is as much about the issue of pain in life as it is about not ending your life because of the pain. Following in both a religious and a secular tradition, Hecht submits that suffering is soul-making. . . . This tender and well-reasoned book is sure to save lives.”—Gordon Marino, The Christian Century (Gordon Marino The Christian Century)
“If we are serious about helping people overcome the dark nights of their souls, we must insist with Chesterton that suicide is a moral, not just a clinical, problem. An important new book does just that. Stay: A History of Suicide and the Philosophies Against It by the poet and philosopher Jennifer Michael Hecht challenges our culture’s acceptance of suicides and reinvigorates the moral arguments against it. At a time when few philosophers or intellectuals are offering strong, compelling, secular arguments against suicide, Hecht’s book steps in as a reminder that our liberal stance toward suicide is relatively new, in fact quite radical, and should be unequivocally challenged. . . . The book fills a hole in the cultural conversation. . . . Hecht writes, ‘The arguments against suicide that I intend to revivify in public consciousness assert that suicide is wrong, that it harms the community, that it damages humanity, that it unfairly preempts your future self.’”—Emily Esfahani Smith, New Criterion (Emily Esfahani Smith New Criterion)
“A humanist case for embracing life, as armor against cynicism. . . . Stay is compassionate, clear, rich, and even funny.”—Temma Ehrenfeld, The Humanist Magazine (Temma Ehrenfeld The Humanist Magazine)
“This book is extremely important. Hecht’s argument—that simply staying alive is incredibly helpful to those you love and those you don’t even know—is tremendously persuasive. Everybody should read this. . . . Stay is a convincing and powerful enough book to help people when they need it the most.”—Audrey Curtis, San Francisco Book Review (Audrey Curtis San Francisco Book Review)
About the Author
Jennifer Michael Hecht is a historian of science and culture and a poet. She has written seven books, including the best-selling Doubt: A History, the story of unbelief across the world. Hecht teaches at The New School and lives in Brooklyn.
Most helpful customer reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Required reading for anyone working with teens, young adults, and at-risk people.
By Terri G.
If you are considering suicide, this is a great book that has plenty of reasons NOT to. It also has a lot of history about various societies' take on suicide. It also reads like a grad-school textbook, so you might nod off from time to time, if you read it cover to cover.
I bought the book, b/c I'm the surviving mother of a teenage suicide, and I was hoping to have some fodder for the argument to LIVE in talking to other young people about choices. The book gave me that, but I don't have a mind that can retain information well, so I guess I'll have to reread the book a few times.
The author's passion for this subject certainly was evinced by the amount of time and energy she put into the book. I commend her for that!
4 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Along with such genius comes such pain
By Alastair R Fleck
I read this book a while ago. What prompted me to revisit my notes and subsequently submit this review was the tragic death by suicide on Monday 18th August 2014 of Robin Williams. I can't possibly add to the tributes that are currently pouring out to the actor, so I won't. What I can do however, is talk a little about the reactions of many people and institutions to his death and reviewing Jennifer Hecht's book seems as good a place to start as any.
Williams' suicide has sparked much discussion about depression and addiction and how these problems are covered/reported by the media. It has also stimulated a lot of criticism of the man and so many hurtful words have been spoken that his daughter has withdrawn from social media to try to escape the anger and bitterness being expressed there. Robin Williams has been accused of "selfishness" because he committed suicide and "didn't think of the impact his actions would have on his family." I will wager that there was little Robin Williams did not think about and I suspect he did know what sadness his death would cause many, but in the angst of his depression he chose not to let that dissuade him.
The criticism he and his family (for some odd reason) are facing over his decision is reminiscent of the part of Hecht's book where she discusses (very lucidly) the history of society's attitudes towards suicide. What we are seeing today is similar in many ways to:
"The ferocity of the response to suicide can seem unbelievable, but examples from across Europe span several centuries. The records of Paris are uniquely comprehensive. When a Parisian man killed himself by plunging into the Seine in 1257, his body was fished out and his case tried. He was found guilty, and his body was sentenced to torture; most commonly, that meant being drawn and quartered, or eviscerated and hanged by the neck before the community and left there until birds and maggots consumed the corpse. In 1288 a man committed suicide near the Church of Sainte-Geneviève in Paris, and the abbey hanged his body. It was later decided that they had neglected the important rite of dragging his body through the streets behind a horse, so the entire "execution" was repeated, this time with the grisly detail enacted. In 1299 the miller Jean Cliot drowned himself in a river and the abbey ordered his hands to be pierced with wooden stakes before his body was drawn and quartered."
I find it curious how little attitudes towards suicide have changed since 13th Century France. Okay, granted, no one is likely to drag Williams' body through the streets, but the reaction that his act of "the sincerest form of self-criticism" has provoked stems from the same sociopathic roots.
Jennifer Hecht's book is a very worthwhile read. Her summary of historical attitudes towards and philosophical arguments for and against suicide is thorough and enlightening. She sets out the various arguments as put forward by both religious and non-religious thinkers in a fairly balanced way, but slowly her bias becomes evident:
"Voltaire's anger at the church is at the heart of the secular defense of suicide. Here the anger is directed at the cruelty inflicted on the families of suicide victims. As with Hume and d'Holbach, the defense of suicide issued by secular philosophy is pervaded by the conflict with religion. If the Catholic Church and other religious groups had never taken a fierce position against suicide, it seems unlikely that the philosophers of the Enlightenment would have taken up the subject, and if they had, it seems possible they would have followed the logic of their other opinions and given serious thought to the happiness and preservation of the individual."
I think she maligns much very valuable Enlightenment thought by such statements and by levelling an accusation of lack of logic at Voltaire et al she undoes much of the other good in her analysis.
She attempts to marshal many arguments in favour of not committing suicide, but many of her assertions are simply that; statements with little logic to support them. For example:
"It is the nature of existence that this happiness will return--if we stay around to enjoy it."
"Childhood formed us all, and the more we suffered then, the harder it can be to accept ourselves as adults. True, the road to self-awareness is arduous. Some realizations bring us to low feelings much like grief, and much like grief the only solution is to live through it. We come out wiser on the other side. As Robert Frost wrote, "The only way around is through.""
"In any era, recognizing that many people are in pain may help individuals to live through their own worst times. Collective suffering is a powerful notion because it can help convince people that they are not to blame for their suffering and because it can add a sense of companionship to life. The idea of collective suffering can also bolster the idea of collectively rejecting suicide."
"It is an intellectual and moral mistake to see the idea of suicide as an open choice that each of us is free to make. The arguments against suicide ask us to commit ourselves to the human project. They ask humanity to set down its daggers and cups of hemlock and walk away from them forever. Let us be done with bare bodkins."
Hecht asks us to take as a given that we owe some mysterious collective entity a debt sufficiently heavy that it must be carried at all costs, but her appeal is to the emotions rather than one constructed from logic. She offers no proofs that individuals should feel biologically or behaviourally connected to society as a whole: this is not a given, particularly for individuals suffering from clinical depression.
She bolsters her argument against suicide by referencing many studies that have been done around the concept of suicide clusters. Plainly put, each individual who commits suicide has the potential to influence others into doing the same thing, whether it be family members or close associates who might feel guilt at not having done enough to help, or whether it be copy-cat suicides by complete strangers (more likely in the case of celebrity suicides such as Robin Williams'). I feel she fails to make her case. I am not disputing the validity of the academic studies that have proven a direct linkage between one suicide and another, that is not at issue here. My question is: so what? There is cause and effect in everything we do, living or dying. Consequences, both intended and unintended, follow from everything we do, whether or not they are immediately obvious. It seems to me that if a close friend or relative of someone who commits suicide is sufficiently depressed themselves or is sufficiently weak-minded as to be influenced by a death by suicide to such an extent that they feel they have to emulate it, then they had overpowering problems of their own without blaming it on another who chose to leave this world. The same is doubly true of people who allow the death of a celebrity whom they could never know to influence their own view of the world. The gene pool is better off without either group.
Back to Robin Williams: those expressing anger at being left behind by such a talented man whom they obviously admired sound like children when you take their favourite toy away: they squall and squawk and throw their dummy out of the pram. Grow up, would you? Williams may have given his world a two-fingered salute, but unless you feel that his action held up a mirror to your life and thus you feel your own self-worth to be threatened by his suicide, leave his memory alone along with a silent wish that he rest in peace.
Along with such genius as Williams' comes much pain, I guess. The rest of us have only the pain.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
I've been talking about this book for weeks!
By D. Hites
After my father's suicide, I definitely needed therapy. Friends and family weren't enough; so I reached out to a therapist, and we started unpacking all of the parts of my story, and his story to begin to address the tragedy. After 18 months of that, I discovered the "On Being" podcast and fell in love with it. Krista Tippett interviewed Ms. Hecht in February about Stay and I knew then that I had to read it, for my own well being. I have, unfortunately, become an expert on it, and highly recommend Stay to anyone who has lost someone to suicide.
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